Our Past has Purpose

 

Given that it is a 'new year' I am focusing my life upon what is new ..... and releasing what is 'old' and what is past ..... Mostly what I am sharing is just where I am in my journey and what I have learned, and possibly ..... some, most, or none of what I share might resonate to some degree with you ....

It has taken me [far too] many years to realize and understand that my past and every situation in my past  ..... has been a gift to me. [Yes,  you read that correctly.]  My past, despite the beliefs and perceptions I held concerning them,  has really been a gift to myself from my Creator.

The good, the bad, and the down-right ugly ..... has all been purposeful in training me for reigning in THIS life now ..... and to say that "I wish" that I had realized and understood this far sooner in my life, would be an understatement  ..... but I truly did not comprehend.

I spent so many years hating and resenting my life and especially, resenting my past.  I was grumpy and upset and angry ..... mostly at Creator ..... and next with myself.   Can you in any way relate?
 

Early on in my life, I happened to be a 'world class'  blame shifter ..... it was always every one elses' fault; I was SO unaware and incapable of realizing that I had a part in every situation that ocurred in my life.  I lived as a 'victim' continuously ..... never fully comprehending and understanding that "every where I go, there I AM" !!  No matter how hard I tried to work things out, they would implode and beginnings soon became painful endings.f

I spent most of my life trying to be good and do good;  trying to perform and be what I thought everyone else wanted and needed. The harder I tried, the less I seemed to succeed. 

I was a very 'religious' person for along season in my life ..... very accusatory, extremely judgmental, and very condemning.  OH! the damage I did to people I loved and cared for!  So very self-righteous, pride-filled, haughty, arrogant ..... what a hypocrite I became "in Jesus' Name"!  Yet I truly "knew not what I was doing"!

As my life progressed ..... s-l-o-w-l-y I began to 'wake up' .....  s-l-o-w-l-y  I began to become aware .....  and ever so incredibly s-l-o-w-l-y I began to see that many things needed to *C H A N G E* .....

**I T * B E C A M E * T I M E**

*~* 2 0 1 7 *~* A Word for the New Year

*~* 2 0 1 7 *~*

This is a year for 'Perfect Love' that casts out ALL fear to encounter whomsoever will choose to be open to receiving ....

*L O V E*  is the most excellent way and *L O V E*  is a Person who is Personal before it is ever just a 'force' to effect .... 

*L O V E*  is energy that matters ....

 
*L O V E*  is what we were hard-wired to BE however, fear is what we have ended up learning and embracing .....

*L O V E*  is not an 'abstract' philosophy preached with words.... 

*L O V E*  is a demonstrated empowerment with a divinely orchastrated origin that transacts beyond all created measures ..... and transforms and transmutes what is negatively rooted in FEAR.....

This year we each will be directly confronted by *L O V E*

We will be asked to choose to *L O V E* our own selves in the same manner and ability as our Infinite Creator loves us.... 

We can only *L O V E*  others to the degree that we truly
*L O V E* our own selves anyway .... and 

*L O V E*  must be received and accepted by choice and with intention .....

It is our own choice to ACCEPT or REJECT True *L O V E*.... and we alone will reap the consequences of our choice quickly as the illusion of time moves forward .....

NOW there remains: faith, hope, and love ...... and the greatest of these is *L O V E* , the most excellent way!

The Progression of Change

I remember the first time I read Portia Nelson's prose above ..... It revolutionalized my life and caused me to understand some very important truths about the progression of change .....

Each of us have choices that we have made and will make in each moment ..... as oppositional as this may seem, we are no longer 'victims' void of power;

We are empowered as 'volunteers' ..... only, we're so unconscious in our individual lives that we fail to realize that our Creator has granted us co-creator abilities to align our lives according to a divinely ordained plan of the best possible *G O O D* we can choose to imagine .....

This is exactly what I need to do:  *S T O P* choosing to believe the old stories from the past that no longer exists but continues to re-play over and over and over and over in my soul .....  What about you?  Is this true for you?

I have been learning that our minds are like computers. While in utero, we begin recording the environment, perceptions, and experiences that our mother is having  [see "Biology of Belief" by Bruce Lipton, Ph.D] ..... We have no 'words' for what we are recording, our brain is simply in record mode ..... and this continues up until we are about 7 years old.  We each "need" an operating system for our existence ..... and we obtain this through our well-meaning mother, father, aunts, uncles, grandparents, care-givers, and others who teach us, instruct us, indoctrinate, program, and condition us as to what we are to believe in order to navigate and fulfill our Creator designed purpose and destiny .....

Our words and more so, what we think are *P O W E R F U L*!  I have been learning that when I speak out what I think I am speaking what I believe .....  sometimes I don't even realize I believe what I believe because I have been so unconsciously unaware. 

So much of my recovery has been trying to unearth my beliefs so I can consciously decide if I want to embrace that belief as my own ..... and sadly, many of those beliefs were 'passed down' to me from my early child-hood family of origin .....

I desire to be divinely aligned: spirit, soul, and body .... and prosper and be in health even as my soul prospers because I have worked on healing the wounds and holes in my soul .....

This year ..... there is great hope and possibility for creating my very best life ....  I am choosing to 

How about YOU ??

Basic Truth = Profound BEing

This is truly absolute truth ..... *N O W* is all any of us have.....

Backstory:  Almost five years ago, I was brutally awakened and became astutely aware of the truth about my life ..... My relationship at that time had imploded literally overnight and I found that I had a very short amount of time to find a safe place to move to.   Of course, the timing for this life-changing event could not have been worse and yet I knew everything was exactly as it was meant to be.

A very dear friend was directed by Creator to offer me a place to stay, for which was profoundly grateful.  I found, applied for, and was provided a part-time weekend night shift position almost immediately, which would enable me to have income while continuing my full-time college classes; while I wanted to go right back to school, a 'glitch' provided me nearly five months off school that I utilized well by commiting to and working my own 'recovery' program. 


It was not recovery from illict drugs, alcohol, or any other socially detrimental substance or object .... 

it was recovery from being a socially-acceptable, perfectionistic people-pleaser who believed it was her job to carry the weight and fix the problems of the whole, wide, world !!


My journey in my recovery, to this day,  has been nothing short of amazingly miraculous!  I have changed ..... and in most profound ways ..... and while there are yet those individuals in my life who absolutely refuse to acknowledge these changes ..... I have come to accept that, for now, they cannot acknowledge change in me else they would need to consider change in and for themselves ..... 




I am well aware that ......






and sometimes the season for change is not *Y E T*




So .... the last thing I want to do is relapse back to the dysfunctional ways of people-pleasing and lose the ground I have gained through working my recovery program which has enabled me to begin to discover my real, true, authentic, and genuine ME .....

I no longer wish to live as I have been indoctrinated, programmed, and conditioned to BE .... I want to be fully present, awake, aware, and taking action as to how to best ascertain and apply much needed and necessary change for myself ..... 

I wish to live life based upon *M Y* personal choice and conviction ..... because in the end, I will stand alone and BE responsible before my Creator to give an accounting for all that I have said, done, and did.  Honestly .....

               

*N O  *  F E A R*

Happy New Year ...... One Day at a Time ....

As 2016 began to fade into the transition phase of 2017 .... I began to reflect over the past year at the challenges that were presented.....

I don't know about you, but the past 365 days were really tough, to say the least; and quite heart-breaking to say the most ..... The most painful issues involved relationships with other people ..... people we believed we were called to do community with, people that were part of our family, people who were long-time friends and new friends ..... it was a year of great growth in unlikely ways .....

Today is a significant day dedicated to 'starting over' and 'new beginnings' ..... I have chosen to relinquish everything from the past in order to walk into this year, with a clean slate and an empty pack.  I have hit the 

All things new ..... I am awakened this morning being reminded by Spirit, that my remedy is to accept forgiveness for my part in falling short and missing the mark of LOVE, the most excellent way .....

Reminding myself that there BUT FOR the grace of my Creator, will I or any one else on this globe, go forth, walk out, and walk through into what is new .....

Consider .......





Creator offers us ample opportunities to start over in each moment, every hour, and daily ..... Yet how many of us will 'fixate' on the past and wallow around in the cesspool of regret leading to self-punishment ?

Today ..... things must *S H I F T* and change must come to you and for you .....  but it most definitely will require a choice on your part .....

Consider encountering a Power greater than yourself ..... consider questioning all the beliefs you have ever believed ..... consider being transformed by renewing your mind ..... consider confronting the self-loathing and self-hatred you hold for yourself  you deny ..... is present ..... consider learning and choosing to love yourself .... consider the courage it takes to even contemplate loving yourself and ....

release .... release ..... release ..... release ..... release ..... release .....

NOW

DO 

THIS

*H A P P Y * N E W * L I F E*

NEW ...... all things ..... NOW

Today is December 31st ..... my favorite and most symbolic day of my year! 

This is a day where the whole world in which I live adheres to a holiday celebration and poignant demarcation that what is old  is forcefully overcome by what is NEW .....

This manages to provide me, as well as millions of other people great HOPE .....  for truly,  the old year is passing away so a new year can come forth ..... presenting with it, the opportunity and possibility that  *A N Y - T H I N G*  could, once again, become possible .....

We must simply bid farewell to the negative past with a melodic rendition of  "Auld Lang Syne" as the *S H I F T* commences ....

 This day, was the last day of the year 2*0*1*6 and I am still coming into each now moment of 31 December 10`6 .... A new today will burst forth on the scene as the ultimate RE-SET;  it hearlds potential, possibility, and profitability .....  that every new day dawning here-after will be a brand new opportunity to start again with a fresh, clean slate  .....

And yet, as I type these words of truth, I am confronted by a dissonance within me that forcefully challenges me to deny that this IS truth .....

My early-years inner core programming is attempting to tell me that this idea of 'new beginnings'  is a lie;  and that I will be forever bound to making the same mistakes of my past; forced to carry the weight of every failure; without hope, without release, and without redemption!

Can't you somehow identify with that sentiment?

Obviously, in order to begin anything anew, something else must end ..... else we simply continue the pattern of dysfunction ....

and this is my truest dilemna .....

*T H E * E N D*

So ..... here I am awaiting the proverbial "glass ball to drop" signifying the launch and catapult forward in to the new year, with a new day, and a new beginning ..... this year, I plan on RE-playing New Years Day over and over and over ..... just like Ground Hog Day RE-peated over and over in the movie "What About Bob"  until he learned all the lessons he was meant to learn and became the truest, most authentic genuine self he could become ..... [a great movie if you haven't seen it!!]

I choose to live as NOW present as I possibly can .... choosing to love myself *AS* I am, *HOW* I am, *WHERE* I am, for *WHO* I am now ....

I choose to forgive myself and other people who fail, fall-short, and miss the mark of LOVE, the most excellent way  .... as quickly and as mercifully as I want and desire my Creator to forgive me ....

2 * 0 * 1 * 7  .... comes one moment at a time and my desire is to stay awake, aware, and cognizant in that *NOW* present moment every moment that I can .....

Here's to *B E I N G * T H E  * C H A N G E* and making this new year and every subsequent day of this year: THE BEST!

                                      H*A*P*P*Y

                                       Namaste!

Marginalized People

[I began this blog in spring of 2014, just prior to my June 2014 graduation .... Rather than delete this writing, I decided to post it now in fall of 2016]

I am finishing up a degree in Human Services with a certificate in Chemical Dependency. I have had the privilege to take a myriad of classes on various subjects that have opened my eyes to many realities that I probably, otherwise, would not have bothered exploring.

Knowledge is power; this is true. Knowledge puffs up; this is also truth, as I see so many people with so much knowledge and very little wisdom and revelation as to how to activate and effectually implement the knowledge they hold.

Currently, I am taking a class on pluralism, i.e., diversity.

The emphasis is on cultural competency in order to better assist those I will be working with in the human services and substance use fields. Our classes are always broken down and placed in various groups and given specific topics to investigate upon and report back to the class more specific detail.

One group has presented on African American, one on Latino Americans and my group presented on Native Americans.

To say that being a part of this class is easy would be inaccurate. Being a part of this class and discussing the marginalization of various cultures of people has been heart wrenching for me on multiple levels. To come face to face with the reality of the colonization of American by Europeans back in the days of the Pilgrims and all the history and stories I  learned growing up in early education, has caused me to realize today, that history is a social construct and has not been accurately portrayed in the status quo history books.

One of the most diverse locations within the whole United States is within Washington State zip code 98118 - Federal Way.  Here there are 59 specific ethnic groups residing with numerous languages spoken and cultures being lived out. Amazing!! [In October 2015, my husband and I were graced with the privilege of living for 3 months within this very diverse zip code and I was able to see, first hand, the truth of its diversity .... and while this season was meant to be longer than 3 months, I am grateful for the season we were given]

Reviewing the past; how African American's were treated in our county -- how Latinos are being treated in our country and the ones I am most partial to: Native Americans ... White privilege; white European, Anglo-Saxon men and women who have dehumanized other cultures in order to force assimilation into the "American Way" grieves and sickens me to no end.

Realizing that most are not and do not wish to be educated in this atrocity grieves my heart even more.  Is 'our' way the RIGHT way? Why are we so fearful of other cultures and their people? Why do we pompously and arrogantly insist for immigration purposes that these people coming into our country, that was designed to be a place of refuge, purge their culture and assume our ways of living?

I know that I will not find an answer to my questions. And this is a rabbit hole far too deep for me to traverse at this moment. But my desire is to bring awareness and cause people to awaken to the truth and reality of the privileges white people have been afforded to the demise of those who were here first: Native Americans .... and those who came after: African American's, Latinos, Asians and Pacific Islanders, Arabs, even people with disabilities ...

As a woman, I am a marginalized people - I will make 77% of what a white male would make doing the very same job -- A spokesman for the White House recently boasted that women working within the US Government were now making 88% of what their male counterparts were making - REALLY?

Women were only allowed to become their own citizens and vote August 18, 1920. At the founding of our country, women were not entitled to be considered human, but to be their husbands property and have limited rights, never equal with the male gender.

I want to see change - not blame;  I want to see solutions - not more talk;  I want to see people become educated -- and rise up to confront the inequities that are propagated within this country and its diverse populations. For now, I finish and complete my education and learn how I can make a difference on topic of this subject.